A Radical Approach to Overcoming Perfectionism

I once took pride in being a perfectionist. But as time passed—thankfully—I’ve changed. Now, through a rigorous method of releasing perfectionism, my life feels much lighter.

“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.” — Salvador Dalí

Letting Go of Perfectionism – The Myth of Perfection

We all know it, yet it’s hard to accept: perfection doesn’t exist. Sure, things can be improved, made more beautiful, or done faster. But should we continually chase after that?

If your neighbor always has a pristine garden, you might feel you should be able to do the same, just like you might need to put on makeup daily because many other mothers do.

If guests are coming over, the whole house must be spotless, as if it’s always that sparkling clean. And heaven forbid if you send a message with a typo as a well-educated person in your thirties.

Perfectionism can lead to procrastination, stress, anxiety, and even burnout. You carry a constant feeling that you’re not good enough, making life feel heavy and sluggish.

Exhausted from My Perfectionism

I grew tired of it—exhausted. I was constantly striving for perfection, continually fearing making a mistake. What would people think?

For years, I needed to show the world everything was under control. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

Thankfully, perfectionism is no longer something to be proud of—not for me or anyone. Perfectionism invites problems: fatigue, stress, or worse—a burnout. No matter how hard you strive for perfection, you’ll never achieve it.

“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” — Harriet Braiker

Embrace Imperfection

The solution? Letting go of perfectionism by embracing imperfection. Nobody is perfect, but those who can accept their flaws are happier than those who chase perfection.

That’s how I see it, at least. I see it around me, too. I don’t admire relatives with immaculate homes but instead, friends who, despite the mess, have a lot of fun. Because what will I fondly remember later: the spotless dishes or that delightful dinner?

So now, I employ a radical technique to release my perfectionism. I deliberately make mistakes. I send an email without triple-checking it for errors. I tend to the garden but don’t remove every single weed. I go to bed with a sink full of dishes.

Understand That the World Won’t End

I’ll deal with it tomorrow—or another time. And if not, the world won’t end. Is this easy for me? Not at all.

For instance, I initially felt embarrassed when a friend recently pointed out smudges on the TV screen. I thought about it repeatedly that afternoon. But now, a few weeks later, I can laugh about it. Our friendship didn’t suffer because of it.

I could have canceled our meeting because I hadn’t had time to clean the house. Sure, I’d have had a spotless TV, but I would’ve missed out on a beautiful morning with my friend. When you look at it that way, the choice is easy, I think.

Overcoming Perfectionism by Daring to Make Mistakes

So, give it a try. Make mistakes, leave the mess, and relax. Enjoy life more instead of striving for perfection. And accept that all beginnings are tough. Start with just one aspect to address—or rather, to deliberately not address.

Clean your house, comb your hair, and iron your clothes, but don’t sweat over a complex recipe when family visits. Please write your email, think carefully about your word choice, and then send it without checking it three times for possible mistakes.

And most importantly: don’t expect yourself to do this perfectly either. Letting go of perfectionism is a journey. Some of that perfectionism will likely remain within you, and that’s okay if you ask me. Just make sure to allow yourself to let go sometimes, to make mistakes, and to enjoy everything that isn’t perfect.

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Focus on the Process, Not the Goal

There’s reality, and then there’s the image of the future where you’ve achieved your goal. The larger your goals, the more frustrating the gap between these two images becomes.

As a perfectionist, you tend to envision your goals as grand, elaborate, and detailed. You want everything to be perfect. This creates an overwhelming project that scares you.

No wonder you’d rather watch Netflix.

Shift your focus to the process needed to reach this goal. Then, concentrate on executing those steps well.

For example:

1. You want to lose a few pounds—that’s a big goal. But the process is quite simple. Make better choices at each meal and exercise more often.
2. You want to build a successful business—a huge challenge. But the process is much simpler: take small daily steps toward your goal.
3. You want to get fitter, and in your mind, you’re already thinking about an (extremely rigorous) workout program, a (rigorous) diet, and endless gym sessions. Instead, focus on the process: your next workout.

Reaching any goal consists of small, practical steps. Shift your focus to these steps to gradually overcome perfectionism.

“Done is better than perfect.” — Sheryl Sandberg

Move in Ridiculously Small Steps

Moving in tiny steps is essential even if you’re not working on enormous goals. If you notice perfectionism slowing you down, make the steps smaller.

Tidying up the living room, cleaning the house, or preparing a meal—you can break down any task into tiny steps. And each small step is easy to accomplish.

How small can you make the steps? As small as needed to get yourself moving: lift your hand and press a key, walk to the kitchen, type a message, etc.

Observe Your Critical Thoughts

As a perfectionist, you tend to have many critical thoughts—about others, events, objects, and, above all, yourself.

Perfectionists are hard on themselves and hold themselves to the highest standard. A standard that even the most seasoned professionals find unachievable.

How can you experience fewer of these thoughts? The first step is to become aware of your critical mindset. You can do this by journaling daily and meditating regularly.

Meditating creates a little distance between your thoughts and your awareness. This makes it easier to see how strict you are with yourself. And when you can observe these thoughts, you can also choose not to take them too seriously.

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously.” — Sophia Bush

Stop Saying ‘Must’

Notice how often you use the word ‘must.’ As a perfectionist, you feel many things must be done, but very little is necessary.

The words you use matter because they shape how you think and perceive the world. Do you prefer to see a world full of obligations or a world full of possibilities?

Try replacing ‘must’ with ‘want to’ or ‘get to’:

• “I must clean the bedroom” becomes “I want to clean the bedroom.”
• “I must go to work” becomes “I get to work today.”
• “I must organize my finances” becomes “I want to organize my finances.”

Yes, it sounds a bit odd at first. But practice it. You’ll find that this simple adjustment creates more space and lightness in your mind. You must do far less than you think—you mainly want to do a lot. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s a significant difference.

If you want something that stresses you out, you can adjust what you want. That’s not possible if you feel you must do it.

Work on Self-Acceptance

Your criticism of others—of the world around you—stems from criticism of yourself. They’re two sides of the same coin. Insecurity is the fertile ground where perfectionism thrives best.

As a perfectionist, you find it hard to accept yourself and life as it is. You struggle with embracing reality as it presents itself, even though you often have no control over it.

If you want to overcome perfectionism, working on self-acceptance is crucial. Realize that you’re not perfect, and that’s okay. Understand that you’re valuable—even when you deliver mediocre work, feel overwhelmed, procrastinate, or wrestle with undesirable traits.

You’re okay, just as you are. Nothing needs to change. Your life is what it is, no more, no less. Learn to embrace it all.

Focus on What’s Going Well

Reflect daily on your accomplishments, or write it in your journal. Think of all those tiny, practical steps you’ve taken. And feel grateful and happy for this progress.

Not: “The garage still isn’t completely organized,” but: “I took a few more steps, and I’m proud of myself. We’re not there yet, but we’re getting closer.”

Give your attention to your progress. This will make you feel more successful and begin to diminish your insecurities. You’ll start to feel capable, as if you’re getting things done. As a result, your perfectionism will gradually fade into the background.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” — Anna Quindlen

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