How can you find happiness despite facing numerous challenges? It’s often possible and not as difficult as it might seem. Let’s explore this idea.

Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them." - Steve Maraboli

Jolanda - you’re ignoring reality! A notable effect of writing about enhancing your life is the variety of reactions it provokes. Those who dive into the full articles respond enthusiastically, whereas those who merely scan the introduction tend to be skeptical.

And that makes sense.

Everyone leads a life, and not all lives are brimming with joy. So, when a blogger in their twenties with a fresh website claims to have the secret to ‘what works,’ it can be overwhelming for some.\

And I understand that, too.

I’m well aware that my life is quite alright. I have plenty to be grateful for, which I recognize daily. But it’s a two-way street. My life is enjoyable partly because I try to appreciate what I have.

But suppose your life is genuinely challenging. Not because you aren’t trying but because you’re faced with situations you have little or no control over. How can you then still manage to be happy?

What happens when calamity takes over your life?

Your daughter falls seriously ill, your mother passes away, you suffer from burnout, your partner leaves you amidst a heap of troubles, your health deteriorates, or your car brakes fail just as you’re entering an underground parking garage.

What a mess.

What now? How can you find happiness in such circumstances? Is it even possible? And is it desirable? As many people note when I talk about my book, life doesn’t have to be just fun!

And they are right.

Misery is permissible, okay. So why move away from it? Moreover, is it socially acceptable to be happy while adverse events unfold? Can I feel satisfied and grateful while sick or someone has passed away?

Many people have a straightforward answer: no. If you have problems-if you have misery in your life-then you should feel miserable.

That would be strange otherwise.

But that suits me fine - I love strange!

Yes. Think about it this way: imagine you live 100 years old. That gives you a total of 1,200 months. If you’re 35, that leaves you with 780 months, which goes by quickly.

During that time, there’s always something going on. There’s always something to criticize about your life. Because nothing is perfect in the traditional sense; everything has its flaws.

Well, there you go. Month after month, you complain constantly, remain dissatisfied with your life, always point out what’s wrong, and prove to yourself why you have every right to be unhappy.

And you know what-you do have every right. It’s your life; you can do what you want. Complaining about your neighbor and the bad things people do to you is one way to spend your time on Earth.

But don’t look at me for validation. I’m willing to look at the undesirable aspects of your life with you. These things can exist, for misery is part of life.

But what next?

In the end, the pursuit of happiness is universal. 

Everyone, including myself and everyone who has ever lived, is attempting to find happiness or avoid unhappiness. Although problems are a part of life, that doesn’t always imply we should look for them.

Debts aren’t inherently bad - they exist. Yet, if leading a cheerful life is your aim, the natural next move would be to begin alleviating those debts. Sickness exists, but those desiring health would do well to start moving towards wellness.

Misery brings depth and facilitates growth. But how much adversity is necessary? And could there be gentler paths to personal development? Often, those who lament their life’s misfortunes miss the chance to learn from them, wasting potential growth opportunities.

If your goal is personal development, you can achieve much more with far less strife. Myriad avenues exist for those focused on self-improvement that don’t require suffering.

Difficulties are only the beginning. No matter where you are, there’s always Room to improve your quality of life. Engaging with reality and creating desired outcomes is possible by deliberately navigating through challenges, not dismissing them.

Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are. - Bernice Johnson Reagon

Only some people are inclined towards growth. 

This concept is straightforward unless - you might be astonished to find - some revel in their tribulations and misfortunes. They find solace in blaming others and reveling in victimhood.

They are seeking affirmation that their unhappiness is justified.

While this stance might provide comfort, many are proficient at playing the victim. Instead, I aim to inspire a shift towards taking charge of your happiness and life, acknowledging the actual conditions, and adopting practical steps to improve your existence and positively impact those around you.

Use the remaining months or years of your life to cultivate joy and contentment. That seems the most rational approach.

So, what steps can you take to thrive even amidst challenges? How can you maintain happiness even when surrounded by difficulties? Let’s delve deeper.

1. Focus on What You Can Control

I have discussed this topic and will continue since it is so important. You may read it, shake your head in agreement, and then throw it out totally. However, you won’t realize this price value of principle practices it daily. The idea is simple: Worrying about something you can’t control is unnecessary. Poof!

- Wishing for a different situation is pointless because it won't alter reality.
- Worrying is pointless - it doesn't yield results.
- Getting angry changes nothing - it only raises your blood pressure.

What makes sense, then? Relax and accept. Breathe and let go. Those spiraling thoughts only give you the illusion of control and bring stress and unhappiness.

Accept things as they are and let them be. Relax-no anger, frustration, fear, stress, or disappointment. Embrace reality as it is, and be done with it.

It’s out of your hands. Not your problem. Many view this as burying their heads in the sand. Ironically, it’s the exact opposite. Accepting reality and letting go of what you can’t control is the most rational action you can take.

- You can't cure your daughter, but you can care for her and give her love-focus on that.
- You can't change your ex. So stop trying - it's liberating!
- You can vote and protest, but beyond that, you currently can't influence government decisions. No matter how angry you are.

Accept what is. And focus on the things you have control over. By doing this, you clear your mind of much unnecessary turmoil.

2. View Problems and Misfortunes Differently

Good and evil are relative terms because they are human inventions. And I know - if you come from a religious background, you might strongly disagree, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make much difference in everyday life.

I consider every event in my life as neutral. I am aware that I am the one who assigns meaning to it.

We exist together on a rock spinning in a dark vacuum. Everywhere you look, there’s mostly a vast nothingness. And this might continue for billions of years-nothing, with occasional stars, planets, and other celestial objects.

Your problem isn’t that big. The events in your life are just events happening on planet Earth. And that’s how you can view them as temporary, relative, and largely insignificant events that cross your path.

Sometimes, this is easier said than done. But putting things into perspective always helps. Breathe, relax. Use these undesirable events as opportunities for personal growth, not as reasons to feel victimized by circumstances.

The victim role is always there for you if all else fails.

< It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. - Charles Spurgeon

3. Focus on the Pleasant Things

You can take this as far as you like, but it works. Over time, many people have lost their sense of wonder about life.

It’s understandable, but it’s not ideal if your goal is to be happy.

For instance, you might be brooding on the train over a few problems, completely overlooking that the train itself is remarkable.

Decades of craftsmanship, an extensive production chain, a vast team of people, and electricity were necessary to make this experience possible. There’s WiFi on board, the train is clean, and it usually runs on time.

Imagine explaining this experience to someone from the prehistoric era. You can see it on a screen when you arrive in a city. What is a city? What is a screen? What is a wheel? What is electricity? And WiFi-that might sound the most fun!

And not only that. While sitting on the train, you’re also breathing and alive! That vast space surrounding our planet - so far, it seems devoid of life. And indeed of intelligent life with satellites, radio dishes, and spacecraft. Planet after planet - likely wholly sterile.

And here you are, with a few billion bacteria in your gut. Your gut is made up of countless atoms that themselves are not alive, but somehow, together, they can create something living-something conscious-something that can fret over problems.

Quite miraculous.

Life is wondrous. There are so many things that go well, that are desirable, that are pleasant, beautiful, and interesting. All you need to do is momentarily step out of your head and observe reality.

4. Prioritize Happiness Over Misery

Suppose you decide to be happy from now on. You try to be satisfied more often because, like me, you’ve concluded that spending your limited days happy rather than sad is better.

You feel joyful and content, but then something happens. Your car breaks down. This causes you to be late for work, miss a necessary appointment, and throw your schedule into disarray.

At this moment, something interesting happens: you become unhappy. And you’re sad because you’ve decided to be happy unless something annoying happens.

In other words, you find your happiness less critical than these annoying things because you let them take precedence.

What would happen if you saw it differently? If you said: I will try to be happy, even when annoying things happen. Your car breaks down, but you don’t let it affect your happiness. You accept that you don’t control it, that it is what it is. And you then act step by step, without pitying yourself, getting angry, or compromising your quality of life.

Because this is just an event on planet Earth-not good, not bad-just what it is, there is no reason to get worked up. Anger doesn’t fix cars. That’s what roadside assistance is for. And you get the gift of an exercise in patience.

You might be happier more often if you make your happiness more critical. Breathe in, relax, and let it go. Accept what is, and act step by step. That’s all there is.

5. Don’t Ignore the Elephant in the Room

You are going to die. Every day brings you closer to this moment - the moment you cease to exist in this form. Many people feel that death takes everything from them. But if you wish, death can also give you a lot.

Like what? Like a motivation to live your life fully. Because you don’t know when life will be taken from you, it only makes sense to seize each day, learn better and deeper, and enjoy your experiences on this tiny planet spinning in nothingness.

We all die, but not everyone lives. And that’s fine if you’re okay with that. But I like to set the bar higher. I want to use this life to improve love-toward myself, others, and life itself. I want to relax, accept, let go, experience, build, and follow my heart.

Yes, it’s challenging-every day anew. But I realized early in life that the alternative is even more difficult. The challenges of personal growth simultaneously make life more enjoyable, while the difficulties of playing the victim only make life smaller, more limited, and more miserable.

We’re going to die, so let’s live while we can. It makes no sense to wait because there might not be another round. No second chance. This life is your unique opportunity. And yes, it contains problems. And yes, they are challenging. And they ask more of you than you can sometimes give. But you can have issues and at the same time experience at least a certain level of happiness.

And you can get better at it. And as you practice, you’ll find yourself improving and gradually reaching new heights of personal fulfillment.

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