Stop Judging Yourself - Here’s How to Break the Cycle

We all know we shouldn’t judge ourselves, but somehow, that voice keeps up the criticism. So, how do we silence that inner voice and develop more self-compassion?

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha

Ugh – What a Loser I Am

If I had to toss a euro into a jar every time I had this thought, I’d have amassed quite the treasure trove by now.

In the past, I constantly judged myself:

1. When I thought I should tackle an endless to-do list and didn’t get around to it.
2. When I believed I should go for a run but didn’t feel like it.
3. When I felt I should be a better friend but couldn’t muster the energy.
4. I still devoured a slice of apple pie when I told myself to eat healthier.
5. When I felt I should take charge of my life, I poured time into video games instead.
6. When I thought I should embrace minimalism, I spent hours watching YouTube videos about it.

I also felt I should be more innovative, faster, more successful, more social, more perfect… and when I inevitably couldn’t meet my sky-high standards, I’d beat myself up.

Just writing this exhausts me, and living it was equally tiring. While I’m not entirely free of that judgmental voice, I’ve become kinder to myself. Now, I can see the damage I was doing—to my confidence, body, happiness, and relationships with myself and others.

This cycle needs to stop. It can stop because constant self-judgment is dysfunctional and neurotic and drains energy without ever making you happier.

And honestly? It’s utterly exhausting.

How Do You Free Yourself from Self-Judgment?

By accepting yourself exactly as you are. With all your strengths and weaknesses. With your character, your talents, your shortcomings, your health, your looks, your past, your struggles, and your dreams.

Everything. Fully accept it all. It’s OK as it is. You’re OK, you are.

It’s time to stop trying to change and start realizing just how wonderful you already are. Trust me, most people have no idea.

You might be thinking: “That’s not true, Jelle. I know people who are full of themselves, almost egotistical.”

Exactly. That’s not what I mean. Arrogance and egocentrism don’t stem from self-love. They come from insecurity, fear of not being good enough, or being unworthy of love. Those traits arise from a lack of self-love, not an excess of it.

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What Is Self-Compassion?

It’s about treating yourself with kindness, love, and openness. Rather than passing judgment, it’s about understanding. It’s being kind to yourself the way you would be kind to a good friend.

If you find yourself mentally punishing yourself regularly, this may be challenging. But with practice, it becomes easier. You’ll quickly realize that being kind to yourself not only feels good—it also just makes sense.

Because those harsh judgments, those sky-high expectations, and those crippling beliefs are all forms of aggression. Aggression toward yourself. And why would you want to weaken yourself with such attacks?

Why would you treat the wonderful, kind, and amazing you so harshly? What have you done to deserve that?

Exactly—nothing.

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” — Christopher Germer

Filling Yourself with Self-Love

You mean well. You’re a good person. And like everyone else, you’re struggling with certain things. Every single one of us, good people all around, is wrestling with something.

That’s life. That’s growth. It sometimes hurts; it triggers resistance. You want to be better. You want to grow faster. You want validation and approval; you want people to love you.

What you don’t realize is that people already love you deeply. Of course, not everyone, but some do. However, since you cannot see it, you cannot feel it. You cannot see it because you think you don’t deserve that love.

And while you worry about what the rest of the world thinks or does, you lose sight of what is truly important. You forget that the void you’re attempting to fill with others’ love can only be filled by yourself.

• Even if you do everything perfectly.
• Even if you meet every expectation.
• Even if you complete all your tasks.
• Even if you become wealthy and successful.
• Even if you are the most famous person in town.
• Even if everyone loves you.

None of it will matter if you don’t love yourself. Suppose you keep tearing yourself down. If you still think there’s something wrong with you, that you’re not good enough, and that something has to change.

Let me tell you this: You are just as good.

No buts. No arguments. You are worthy of love, especially your love. You deserve self-love.

And I’ll keep writing articles like this until you believe me. And even after that, I’ll keep reminding you. Because it’s one of the most essential things in life.

• How can you live a life filled with love if you’re aggressive toward yourself?
• How can you spread love if you deny yourself that same love?
• How can you experience inner peace if you’re never good enough in your own eyes?
• How can you build fulfilling relationships if you’re needy?
• How can you live in harmony if a war rages in your mind?
• How can you ever overflow with love if you don’t fill that void?

When you notice that you’re judging or belittling yourself, hit the brakes. You’re telling yourself lies. Press pause and choose a new thought. Like: I love myself. Or: I’m good as I am.

Remove the critical, insecure voice from your mind. Make yourself a beautiful cup of tea; it will be much healthier.

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” — Amy BloomS

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