Self-sabotage ensures that you keep yourself small, which is unpleasant, especially if you want to achieve your dreams. These tips can help counteract self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage keeps you small

Yes, self-sabotage is sheer misery. And it is widespread. When you believe you are not valuable—not good enough—you likely often fall back into self-sabotaging behaviors.

We are our problem—we create the shadows in which we stand. In this way, we keep ourselves small and prevent ourselves from realizing our dream lives.

So, let’s stop doing that. Below, you’ll find my tips against self-sabotage, and I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me.

We are our own problem. We create the shadows in which we stand. In this way, we keep ourselves small and prevent ourselves from realizing our dream lives. - Carl Jung

Identify Self-Sabotage in Yourself

Self-sabotage is often incredibly slight. You usually don’t realize you’re sabotaging yourself until you question yourself closely.

For example, I avoided making YouTube videos for years. I had all sorts of good explanations for it: it was not practical, it was too much hassle, I wanted to do other things, I thought my voice was horrible, my pronunciation in English was not good enough, I was having a bad hair day, etc.

Meanwhile, I noticed that the desire was still smoldered. I did want to speak and perform more often—but I couldn’t manage it. Whenever I made plans, many obstacles and reasons to stop would arise. I was sabotaging myself.

It took me a few years to realize what was happening. And as soon as I saw it, I could fix it.

Recognizing your patterns of self-sabotage is genuinely the first step toward freedom. The most common form of self-sabotage is procrastination. But we sabotage ourselves in all sorts of subtle ways.

• You undermine your happiness by dwelling on what is flawed or perhaps disastrous always.
• When you give in to distractions, you always undermine your productivity.
• When you put things off, you endanger your chances of success because you fear it.
• Your all-or-nothing mentality and perfectionism damage your health.
• You sabotage meaningful progress by constantly starting new projects.
• You sabotage intimate relationships by building a wall around yourself because you’re afraid to make yourself vulnerable.

Let’s look at the small steps to reduce your self-sabotage.

I grew up in poverty and experienced a lot of trauma. But I didn’t let my past define me. I found my strength and chased my dreams. - Oprah Winfrey

Accept Fear and Uncertainty

Self-sabotage always stems from fear. When you feel anxious and uncertain about the outcomes you can create, you unknowingly sabotage yourself. You might even say you are afraid of your power—your potential. And that’s not strange because you can achieve seemingly impossible things when you get out of your way.

But that’s the point: everything will change if you become that powerful. And that change can feel terrifying.

• When you give your all, you can become very successful. But success comes with various responsibilities and expectations that you find daunting, so you procrastinate. If you truly open up in a relationship, you feel incredibly vulnerable, and that vulnerability feels threatening, so you build a wall.
• If you push yourself out there and show what you’re capable of, people will have opinions about you. And the thought that these opinions might be negative holds you back. So, you keep yourself small.
• When you become more successful than many people around you, this may impact those relationships. And that change feels threatening. So, you jump from project to project without really committing.
• You are afraid to feel completely happy because you can’t bear potentially losing that happiness. So, you focus on problems and worries.
• You feel scared to fully relax because you fear losing control over your life, so you cultivate stress. Once you recognize precisely what you are afraid of, you can work to accept it. By clearly seeing your fear, you shine a light on it. Fear is like darkness—it disappears as soon as you shine light on it.

By closely examining your fears, you often quickly see how irrational they are. This helps you weaken the fear, allowing you to move forward.

Identify Your Dreams

What would you do if you weren’t holding yourself back? If you weren’t concerned about fears? What would you do if you couldn’t feel fear? Think about it. The answer will give you a sense of the dreams you’ve been putting off. What do you truly want?

Contemplating your greatest dreams without the associated fears gives you the freedom to look beyond your usual boundaries. Use this broader perspective to set an inspiring goal for yourself. Place a mark on the horizon and acknowledge your fear and uncertainty.

For example:

• I’m going to launch and dedicate myself to my own business. Even though it feels terrifying, I’ll stop at nothing to reach the success I want. Now that I’m committed to making that global journey happen, despite my fear of flying, I will proceed.
• Even though it seems strange and frightening, I choose to be vulnerable in this connection.
• Even if there are moments when I feel worthless and incapable, I will finish this endeavor.

Though negativity feels more comfortable, I will focus on gratitude and love. You can experience fear and still move forward. It’s like driving through a dark cave with a flashlight, step by step. It’s scary, uncertain, and uncomfortable, but you’re moving toward the life of your dreams.

Progress in Small Steps

It’s better to avoid running or biking quickly in a dark cave. You would likely hurt yourself seriously, which would prevent you from going further. The same applies when moving into unknown and frightening areas of your life. If you move too quickly, you might create more problems, leading to emotional harm and even more self-sabotage in the future.

Moving forward in small steps reduces the risk of self-sabotage. Why? Because small steps are not threatening.

• Organizing a whole world trip feels overwhelmingly daunting. Spending an hour reading a travel guide is manageable.
• Starting your own business can be scary and complicated. However, reading a few web pages this afternoon on how VAT works is simple.
• Exposing yourself in a relationship is scary. Working tonight on being open and not defensive is doable.
• Giving a lecture every week feels unimaginably scary. Working on your slideshow for an hour now is fine. Being super successful at your job feels challenging and intense. Taking a small step towards success now requires minimal effort.

The smaller the step, the less resistance you feel. By combining many small steps, you can calmly move forward toward your dreams without being paralyzed by self-sabotage.

And that’s important to know. Because self-sabotage keeps you small while you have so much potential to contribute in good ways for us all. You carry a unique set of talents that allow you to contribute uniquely to the world around you. By sabotaging yourself, you prevent the world from benefiting from what you have to offer.

That sounds like quite a waste. So move forward, step by step, and do what you must to realize your dreams.

I was a failure in my early twenties. I was divorced, unemployed, depressed, and had a small child to care for. I had every reason to give up, but instead, I decided to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. - J.K. Rowling

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